INDUSTRY
THERMOMETER
BY RICHARD JOHNSTON The
Comic Book Thermometer - taking the temperature of the comic
book industry since… ooh, a couple of weeks ago.
This
week's run around comics with a vaguely-topical-yet-slightly-mocking-but-only-in-a-celebratory-sense
question to a bunch of comic book professionals, went as follows…
"What
fellow comic book professional would you like to have run
for the American Presidency? What policies, what issues, what
debate questions, what slogan, what scandal could you have
foreseen?"
See?
Topicality is my middle name. And yes, I used to get bullied
as a result.
So who
said what? Harlan
Ellison. The slogan? "Vote for Me or Die. Seriously. I Know
People."
Most impressive would have been his solution
to the Israel/Palestinian situation: To build a large wall
around the entirety of Israel with a small door that we open
and peek in through every ten years or so to see if they're
still killing each other. If the answer is yes, we close the
door and check back a decade later.
-- Peter David. Author
of Fallen Angel for DC Comics.
Howard
Chaykin. Besides being a good friend so I'm betting I'd get
to sleep over in the Lincoln bedroom WITHOUT having to pony
up, Howard's AMERICAN FLAGG comic book convinced me that he
has a better handle on the future--and the very near future--than
anybody else I can think of! And his presidency would provide
AM talk radio here in the States endless hours of airwave-filling
commentary! Jobs all round!
-- Walter
Simonson artist
for Elric.
Greg
Rucka. Because he'd be honest, the debates would be worth
TiVoing and I'd get to have dinner at the White House.
-- Geoff
Johns author of Flash.
Hm,
let's see. Can we find a group of people less worthy of being
in control of a large country than the American political community?
Oh, look. There's the professional comics community. Colleen
Doran. Face of an angel with the brain of Attila The Hun. Campaign
slogan is "YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE: A Southern Belle With Lots
Of Guns." There's a Southern Strategy for you. And she'd secure
the female and gay vote by installing Viggo Mortensen as VP.
I think we'd have to get used to a slightly
more radioactive atmosphere, mind.
-- Warren Ellis, author
of Global Frequency
There
aren't comics professionals qualified enough to run and lose.
-- Robert
Morales, author
of Captain America and Truth.
John
Wagner. No one would mess with him in the White House.
Policies:
Well assuming I was his campaign manager I'd just grab a copy
of each Dredd book he wrote and throw it at congress and say
"copy that".
Issues:
Comics would be mandatory reading in schools. Especially mine.
Slogan:
"Ah, bollocks"
Scandal:
Brit running America, turns out to be an American! O. My.
God. Can we contain the irony?? WHAT irony? Does anyone reading
this really know what irony IS? I sure as hell don't, but
it's always good to chuck it in there, like those big ten-dollar
(Ł5.45 or €7.35) words I often misunderestimate.
Debate:
"is Jill Kelly over the hill?"
-- Frazer
Irving, artist for
Judge Death and Shaun Of The Dead.
I
would like to see Frank Miller run for President.
He would
nuke everyone who disagrees with him. If he didn't nuke them,
he would shoot them full of holes. All would love him and
despair. And there would be large portions of real estate
that would be glass.
There
would be no scandal because he wouldn't be ashamed of anything
and he would drink hooch right there on camera in front of
God and everybody in the Democratic Party.
He would
kick the French out of the Ivory Coast screaming "No Blood
For Cocoa!"
Anyone
who would ask him" But Mr Miller, you don't really mean we
should just kill all our enemies?" would elicit the following
response; "F**k yeah, I do."
He doesn't
even nuance his use of black and white in comics, so he wouldn't
nuance sh*t in the White House.
I love
Frank Miller.
(Most
of the above is a joke and should not be taken seriously by
anyone, except the part about how much I love Frank Miller.)
-- Colleen
Doran, author of
A Distant Soil, artist for Stealth Tribes
none...really.
maybe at one time, Archie Goodwin, but that boat has sailed.
Jimmy
Palmiotti, author
of Monolith.
Many
of the most eloquent, intelligent and articulate people I've
ever met have been members of the comics industry. I'm torn
between two of those, my good friend, CBLDF director and Top
Shelf publisher Chris Staros and comics scribe Kurt Busiek.
I'm not necessarily a huge Busiek fan (although Astro City is
rare quality) and I've never heard Kurt speak publicly, but
as a fellow member of an e-group I've read a lot of his spontaneous
comments, and he always puts forward a concise, reasoned argument
with which I rarely disagree. He would make a fine President,
I'm sure, although he may have to shave off his beard to get
elected.
Chris would also make a fabulous leader of
the Western World - but because he never wears long pants
and because I still need him to rep Strangehaven Stateside,
I'd have to say VOTE BUSIEK.
-- Gary Spencer Millidge
author of Strangehaven.
And
as for me? Well, clearly John Byrne. On the basis, that if
you have to have a political leader, you might as well get
some entertainment value out of it.
-- Rich
Johnston, author of Holed Up: http://www.avatar.net
and Lying In The Gutters: http://litg.comicbookresources.com
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