MUSIC FOR THE (M)ASSES
by Brandon Jerwa

As some of you might know, I’m a musician in my so-called “spare time” – which means that when I’m not writing these little funny books, I’m huddled over a keyboard of a different kind. If I have headphones on you can only hear KLAK-KLAK-KLAK in my living room, music is being made. Sometimes, I can even crank out a fairly decent tune.

I thought this week’s Jerwa Report might deviate from the usual comic-book anecdotes and pointless ramblings, if you don’t mind. In my way of thinking, great books and great music are meant to be shared, so I’d like to share some of my favorites with you…so please allow me to present my TOP FIVE FAVORITE MUSIC-TYPE THINGS, all of which bear some individual significance but share little else in common. Try to keep up.

5. THE BEST COMIC-BOOK READING MUSIC

I generally prefer to read my comics in complete silence, allowing my head to open up and accommodate the sound effects, voices and non-existent soundtracks that the writers and artists have imbedded in their work. On occasion, I will fire up the CD player and allow the following pieces to accompany my reading enjoyment:

Aphex Twin: Selected Ambient Works, Vol. 2 – this is the sound of your brain re-wiring itself and producing something that probably tastes like a fruit smoothie. It’s really an all-occasion soundscape that goes well with the truly deep, meaningful comics.

Doubting Thomas: The Infidel – This Skinny Puppy side project is atmospheric to the Nth degree and gives you everything from relentless, drum-heavy driving music  to ambient nightmare Musak. Play it while reading some Hellboy.

Autechre: Tri Repetae +++ - do you like noisy, trance-y, drum-n-bass? No? Well, you’d better learn to like it, sucka! This is great accompaniment for “Hulk Smash” and watching mutants fight it out.

Oh, and if you’re reading “Highlander” and not listening to Queen, I hear Mike Oeming will come to your house dressed as Freddie Mercury and do…things…to your kneecaps. Watch out.

4. BEST ELVIS COSTELLO

Uh, that would be Elvis Costello. I mean, duh. The guy is REALLY good at being Elvis Costello.

I suppose if we have to press the point, I’d recommend “Armed Forces” and “All This Useless Beauty,” just to name two albums out of ten-hundred-bajillion great ones.

3. BEST REMASTERS

British New Wave gods Depeche Mode have begun re-releasing all of their classic albums on re-mastered 5.1 Surround Sound CDs with all the B-sides included AND a DVD documentary chronicling each chapter of the band’s progress. You can threaten to kick my ass for having Depeche Mode as my favorite band, but I won’t be able to hear you – I’ll be rocking the headphones and singing “Never Let Me Down Again” naked in my living room.

Do you really want to mess with that?

2.  MY FAVORITE BAND, WHEN IT REALLY COMES DOWN TO IT.

Sure, I like Depeche Mode. I’m fond of Pink Floyd, Radiohead and Patsy Cline, too. In the end, though, one band reigns supreme: THE POLICE!

Say what you want about Sting and his post-80s tantric-rainforest-VH1-lifestyle. The Police were an amazing band with the chops, the heart and just enough spite between them to grow into a monster that eventually chewed its own leg off and ran away. Grab that “Message In A Box” set from a few years back, sit down and just be amazed all over again. I promise you’ll be converted if you aren’t already.

1. THE SCARIEST SONG. EVER.

I’ve recently been introduced to Dr. John’s “Walk on Gilded Splinters” via a compilation CD put together by Lamb’s Andy Barlow. Dr. John might seem to most like a sort of kooky, Creole-flavored piano player, but he used to be quite weird.  Case in point: this 9-minute track that invokes spooky old Voodoo rituals in a terrifyingly convincing manner. I don’t care what time of day it is or where I’m at – if I hear this song, I will most certainly pee my pants by the halfway point. I’m not proud of that, but you can be damn sure I’m impressed by it.

ON ANOTHER NOTE: Go to www.scifi.com right now and watch the web-only Battlestar Galactica episodes called “THE RESISTANCE”!! These mini-chapters are leading up to the show’s third season in October and will help bridge the gap between the Season 2 finale and the new episodes. You won’t be disappointed.

SPEAKING OF GALACTICA: Next week, I’m going to provide a little “primer” for those of you that haven’t caught on to this spectacular Sci-Fi Channel series, just in time for the new season. Be here for class – and don’t forget your pencil!

SING A SONG TO BRANDON JERWA HERE: brandonjerwa@gmail.com